what would become of me?

never say goodbye.

2nd day of sixth form, i woke up very late. Let's say i missed two classes, it wasn't anything serious because both classes were relieved by these random teachers. So i don't think i missed out much? Walking around aimless without your bestfriend for the second day, felt quite confusing though as we all know, life moves on. So with the tightest hug ever i let go my bestfriend to head to G.P, while she headed to her college, to register.

Right before class i had changed my course to English Language, because i thought it was gonna be beneficial for me, in E.A.S all you kinda have to do is write, and read a lot. Somewhat similar to English Literature, but after reading what G.P had to offer, i guess i was sold on current affairs instead of writing. And apparently it's quite easy to score in, and that's what i'm hoping for by the end of these 2 years, a set of quality grades enabling myself to enroll in a kick ass university. Yes, i feel proud to be in pre-university. This is the fresh start that i was hoping for, the subjects that i like, though still the old school i went, i have learnt to reconsider the fact i still haven't given the place and people a chance. After a year, i've solidified my friendships, my status and my well-abouts around school. It's also the best college right here, so why move? I've moved one too many times, a super fresh start once more would be tiring. 

E.lit was the highlight of my day, that and well spending time with a couple of friends, and meeting that one particular old friend. I had to sit dead center with my friends as they had seemed to want me next to them. But as i was saying, last night i had managed to fully annotate an entire Thomas Hardy poem, understanding the purpose of his writing and the language tropes that he had used in order to deliver his opinion. A friend of mine called me a suck up but really, i just thought it were best to come prepared. 

Wait, a friend who just enrolled in English Literature is bombarding me on MSN. 

Okay, now right now besides twitter, and some tabs of poems, Rocketeer is lifting my spirits and giving me hope for this year, off now to finish 20 poems or so. 









I said i was gonna be the best you ever had right?

i like dancers.

a point of view.

Like gentle pure pelts of refreshing cold moisture thinly outlined, a few good droplets of rain somehow inspired me to write this little piece, a sense of renewal that wouldn't go against my own beliefs to write about. Sitting just outside my younger brother's ugama class, listening in to the bellowing of little children praying, i questioned my own beliefs. I had gone to ugama school before, for those who don't know what an ugama school is, well it's pretty much just where young school children, or even these days, college students go to to learn the basic knowledge of the monotheistic religion of Islam,and with the help of teachers these students seek guidance in their direction in their lives, though i being much of the non-believer and far cry from the conformist i'm not againt a person'spursuit of self-fullfillment, and actualization.

Gallivanting across the satisfactory level of the school architecture , my fingers traced the vibrant crisp sheets of paper, stapled hard against the walls. Hopefulness emanating from what these little children had learnt in school. I paid particular attention to those anticipating bright prospects in their future because of what they had learnt in Islam.There and then, I resented not paying attention in my own ugama class  4 years ago. I had lost a lot of ardour years after.

As i meandered amongst the tiny fresh faced hopefuls, i felt so lost and unconfident. They believed in something that i had lost hope for, years ago. I wondered if the close group of girls, prancing and gleefully giggling, holding each others hands tightly would survive their highschool years, against mainstream beliefs. I wondered if the little radical shouting to his bestfriend across the hallway would turn out to be a man of belief. I wondered why the gargantuan teacher was wearing flipflops and was busy singing to herself. I wondered if it was ever worth it. I wonder if it ever will be.

With the resonating tintannibulation of the 3.30 bell,i see my young brother who suffers mild autism scurrying, standing orderly by his seat to greet his teacher a good end to the day, his shy and awkward smile triggered my own heartache. Arms wide open, i squeezed him tight, worried and afraid of his future.

staying true to your colours.

i remember doing this with manuela maksimiuk, an old bestfriend from poland. oh, i miss you right now.

now i know why (:

Tomorrow's the start of my first year in sixth form and though after a pretty weird day, i guess it's safe to say that i'm ready for tomorrow. i mean, the thought of having to go and hang about with my friends again, and deck the halls of school for 2 more years hasn't quite sunk, but it's getting there. The main reason as to why i'm ready is well, let's say we keep that a secret, on the other hand i bought new bras! I didn't know that a different cut to a bra, and the perfect fitting by your bra lady could really get you cheered up and looking oh so good, cleavage wise that is.Therefore, hence forth, i shall be saving up and spending most of my savings on lovely bras and get properly fitted for them this time.

Another upside to today was being just the fact that i was out the entire day, visiting good old places and meeting a person in particular. Uncle Harun from Harun's gym, yes it's his gym. Mum and i walked in his new gym for the very first time and i have to say i was pretty impressed by his buffness (the fact that he was 40) and the hefty amount of training equipment, that and the uncountable large red bottles of protein shake. They looked more like those vacuum-packed jars of liquid that astronauts eat from in space, or like on the moon or somewhere, do astronauts go to the sun? whatever. But yeah, he kinda got me inspired to start working out, looking good and well just building my muscles.

So i might go to the gym tomorrow for a walk in after school, pretty unsure of signing up myself to a membership, knowing my lack of fitness these days. But ah well, i gotta get my school things together, i love tonight (:

i miss.

i miss our little dates at centrepoint, and the piano just ever so gently playing in the background.

i don't know why.

deadmau5 and Kaskade.

anyway goodnight, i may watch a movie with nabil tomorrow, bruhs got issues. another sleepless night i guess,..

i'll be playing with my dove and letter.

i remembered how i lost weight so fast then.

i find her hot.

tell the dj playing,

This may sound absolutely out of the blue, but i bought a bike today! To be exact, a.. wait for it, a red mountain bike. Caught in one of my moody tantrums, mum bought me one because i guess she accidentally pricked my bubble.She pricked it. She did.

Okay, i was whiny about wanting one. YES, I WANTED A BIKE.

The  fact that we may not be flying off Wednesday and well, other things is just getting to me i guess and i thought 'hey, a bike could probably cheer me up'. I mean, i could go cycle and stuff right? I can't be blamed, there's absolutely not much that i can look forward to here, but i forget i'm talking about myself who has absolutely nil in my social life right now. Crap, i forgot that.

So today, though it has officially been past new years, one of my resolutions is to TA-DA :- lose weight. Terribly predictable and the number one resolution on everyones list, i say; my goal. I've gained weight over the past year or so, and i have constantly ignored the fact that i am not looking so good in size 8's. So it is now my resolution to tone up the various jiggly bits of my body. We al have jiggly bits, but i guess i just want mine a little less jiggly? i mean really, wobble wobble duck waddle?

It's been a few days where i haven't been eating properly well except for today, where all that hunger somehow had unleashed itself into a mega eating marathon. Well that, and the fact i've been sleepless, for the past few days. Less sleep equals to more food, in my case that is.

But starting today, i've been cycling around the neighbourhood and i have to admit, it does the bum benefits. It's starting to cramp up, but no pain no gain right? Though i hope tomorrow morning would be much more successful, hopefully a full hour of cycling and doing various other workouts could do me some good, for the mind , body and soul. Cycling does give me time to just listen to some of my songs, and to think. 

He's back home today, but i know we both have to settle ourselves before anything. I can't deny that i've been missing him but then again we have to sort things out, we really do. So to put things off my mind, i've set myself some goals and making myself busy with a few things.

Anyway, here's a few songs i've been loving and yes, working out to.

halo (:

 baby i can see your halo, your my saving grace (:

reminds me of you.

when my mobile receives a text at 6 am.

and its not you waking me up for school.

a cup of coffee in the morning. 

to remind me of the fact that i won't meet you in the afternoon.

your side of the bed being empty.

comfortably, a brown teddybear in your place.

no one to give me spontaneous warm hugs.

though i see a few boys looking for the thrill of the chase.

school's gonna start soon, my first year of sixth form.

i'll see you soon? (:

i feel positive (:

i heard your good with them soft lips.

i'll be loving this new sound.

my door it ain't open.

nuff said (: